Men Hurt Too!

Men Hurt Too!

Ever wondered why women live longer than men?  Ever felt like you had to force your husband, father, son, or male family member to go to the hospital or doctor when you knew he was really bad sick?  Ever wondered why men wait until it is practically too late to seek medical help or psychological advice? Maybe you haven’t because the society we live in seldom takes time to focus on the emotional state of our men.  We spend countless hours coaching and mentoring our ladies on how to deal with pain, but when was the last time you saw a platform that helped men deal with theirs?

I know it sounds absurd to think that a man, who is alive and breathing with blood running through his veins, will hurt if you stomp his toe or bleed if you cut him, but it happens. Why?  Because he’s human, and while he may never admit it, he not only feels physical pain, but emotional pain too.  Yep! That’s right! The cat is out the bag.  MEN HURT TOO!

 Generally speaking, from the moment a little boy cries into the world, he is encouraged to toughen-up or knock-it-off when he falls, bumps his head, or scrapes his legs.  He is forced to withhold tears when he experiences pain, conditioning him to feel that shedding tears will bring about shame, and seldom does one take time to consider what they are doing to this young boy’s brain, by forcing him to suppress his pain.  Now don’t get it twisted, I don’t mean we should coddle our little boys and pacify them as we do our girls, but there has to be a balance where we teach them to acknowledge their pain and recognize when help is needed in order to deal with or alleviate it.   

I happen to be surrounded by some amazing men who go to work every day and burn themselves out to provide for their families. Many have suffered abuse from an early adolescent stage. They have dealt with systemic abuse, child abuse, sexual abuse, and as they entered adulthood, they have and do deal with verbal and emotional abuse from their significant other.  I have had numerous men tell me they have given up on relationships because just as there are men who take advantage of women, there are women who do the same. I have heard them talk about the woman who took their heart, their money, and then cheated on them, as if she was running a game only to get what he had and walk out.  I have heard the horrible stories of the women who are aggressive and sometimes physically abusive to their man. 

If these men happen to escape from their circumstances and rebuild their lives, they have extreme trust issues. Unfortunately, when a woman comes along that wants to love him for who he is and add value to his life, he is guarded.  He only allows her to come so far, and then he throws up a wall. He won’t let her into his heart because he is afraid that she will violate him, as did the woman from the past. The only way he knows to protect himself and prevent his heart from being broken again is to not allow himself to feel vulnerable again. So, he pushes her away, and while he regrets it, he feels it is the best way to handle his insecurity. He feels stuck because while he hates feeling as he does, he doesn’t know how to dig his way out.  Meanwhile, the world continues to evolve.

As a woman, it hurts me to see anyone hurt, but it moves me when I see a man in pain, because I understand that he is expected to be the foundation of the home, and if the foundation is weak how can the rest of the house be strong?  Is it possible that we have failed our young boys by teaching them to be tough and strong without allowing them to understand that pain is not a point of weakness but a sign of life?  Did we fail to tell our sons that it’s normal to hurt when you lose someone you love and it is okay to cry when a family member or friend dies?  

Often times I wonder if the world has done men a disservice, by encouraging men to be sexually aggressive and emotionally suppressive.  So many, have been made to think that life is all about money, sex, and power, and then the world acts surprised when men who have all of the aforementioned take their very own lives.  It’s a tragic end to a horrific life of misery that comes from making men think that they can hold all the pain within and still live without getting to a breaking point.

Today I say to every man reading this, it’s okay to seek help.  It’s okay to cry.  It is okay to experience pain, but do me a favor, DO NOT give up on life.  I know a lot of pressure has been put on you to succeed, but who has the ability to measure what success is to you?  For some, success is being a father to his kids or a husband to his wife.  No matter where you are, please don’t give up on life.

To each lady reading this, put ourselves in their shoes, NO woman can.  We can however, try to understand and be their peace in a world of chaos; and now that I let the cat out the bag, let us not forget the reason some men act like they do is because they don’t want us to know that men hurt too!                

          

My name is Tiffany LaMeia and I am dedicated to becoming a better me, encouraging you to be a better you, and helping you to understand that you are #ENOUGH!  -Have a Prosperous Day!